Glee – The Hurt Locker, Part One – Review

Latest posts by Barry Quinn (see all)

Aaaaaaaaand I was wrong.

Glee certainly won’t be going out on a high, if ‘The Hurt Locker, Part One’ is anything to go by. ‘Contrived shite’ is perhaps the only justifiable way to describe this episode. It wouldn’t have been out of place in season five, where ideas stalled, leaving us with puppets (why?), twerking (cringe) or bloody dogs and old people (yes, seriously). Sue ‘hypnotising’ Sam is perhaps the lowest that Glee has gone to achieve cheap laughs. At least do something believable, Ryan Murphy.

All of this aside, Sue was on top form this episode. Her hurt locker was creepy (and she calls Will creepy?) but her literal interpretation of a gay cub was laugh-out-loud. One of Glee’s finest moments. But too much of this episode was terrible.

Firstly – Becky is still hanging around. Why? Go back to college for Christ’s sake! Secondly – Mercedes and Artie are still MIA. I’m not the biggest Artie fan, but give him and Mercedes something to do already! Amber Riley returned to the main cast for this season and yet she’s literally done nothing to justify this move. And thirdly – Samchel. Please, please don’t go there. I’ve said for a while now that Rachel needs to end up alone (because, in my opinion, to do otherwise would be a glaring insult to both Finn and Cory) BUT if she NEEDS to be with someone, introduce a new character entirely. Five years of friendship between Rachel and Sam shouldn’t be ruined by throwing them together. Sam wants Mercedes anyway. Don’t go breaking her heart, ’cause that bitch is fierce.

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And whilst this is just the first of a two-part episode, the next instalment will most likely be just as terrible. The impromptu Invitational is just an excuse to throw songs at the viewers, when all they care about is seeing their beloved characters moving on. Nobody watches Glee for the musical numbers anymore. And why make Rachel and Will fight? They’ve been (weirdly, and creepily) mates for years. Fair enough, Sue is just trying to ruin the Glee club, but considering there’s only a handful of episodes left there are better things this time could be spent upon.

Like getting to know the newbies, maybe. Or should that be new-newbies?

But they’ve done little since their induction, which is a shame considering they have some potential. But like everything, there isn’t enough time to spend with these new-newbies, unfortunately. So long as they don’t cover Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing’, I’ll be happy either way. That song is sacred.

It’s annoying but I simply don’t care about the New Directions, the Warblers or Vocal Adrenaline. I just don’t. I’d much rather spend time in New York with Brittany and Santana, or catch up with Quinn and Puck wherever they are, than watch a pointless Invitationals between these rival clubs. Like it even matters what the outcome is – whether Rachel and Kurt win or lose, in a few weeks we won’t care because Glee will be over.

And speaking of Kurt – why, oh why, pair him with a 50-year-old? Just get him and Blaine back together already, get rid of Karofsky, and have things go back to normal. And when I say normal, I mean bring Will back to McKinley, and have the alumni move on with their lives. Or, at least do something believable, Ryan Murphy.

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Maybe I’m being overtly harsh, but to me this is just a waste of time. Nobody has even mentioned Coach Beiste and his monumental transition – surely Sue or Will would want to be there for him? Or at least acknowledge him? I don’t know. There is just so much we could be focussing on – like things viewers care about – rather than this tripe.

Hopefully later instalments will be better. I can’t wait to see Britanna’s wedding, Klain’s inevitable reunion, and Coach Beiste’s return. That is what I care about. Not Samchel, not Karofsky, and not the bloody Glee clubs.