Justin Bieber’s Pants

Stuart Forward

Hello pervy googlers, curious tweeters and lost Beliebers… Welcome to Vada. We’ve got your number.


I’m afraid this is not an exposé of Justin Bieber’s underwear; more a tribute to the humble apostrophe and its fight against vacuous teen pop everywhere.

Justin Bieber is pants. Repent. Follow Vada.

For those of us approaching the crunch of mid-gay-age (25), Justin Bieber serves as that sour reminder of just how old we really are. The pop-sensation Canadian, crystallized in my mind as a puppy faced 14 year old, is now 18. It feels a bit wrong. Especially the awkward rap collaborations. That awkward Rebecca Black moment when you just want a lift to school and this guy turns up…

I feel like I should philosophise about the empty world of pop, where a cheeky smile, floppy hair-cut and a slim body are enough to make fans swoon and buy your records (Union J, District 3?). Where do the ugly guys go?!

But that would be bitter. I’m still high on the Christmas spirit. Cynicism returns in the new year.

So to end this stilted diatribe, I’ll give the people what they want. For the Beliebers, here’s the man himself with ‘As Long As You Love Me’ ft. Big Sean. For the haters, it only reached #22 in the UK Charts. The star’s fading people!

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p.s. Apologies for how vacuous this is.

About Stuart Forward

Recent graduate living in Leeds. Lover of the Caribbean, obscure books, beer and things people don't give a toss about. Aspiring publisher. Wannabe Belgian. @StuForward