- RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 8: Grand Finale - 19 May, 2016
- RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 8 Episode 9: The Realness - 6 May, 2016
- RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 8 Episode 8: Book Ball - 28 April, 2016
So my loves, the winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 8 has been crowned. And, in a shock result, the winner was – Bob the Drag Queen! Not a shock at all, see what I did there, that’s called misdirection.
To make up for the lack of tension leading up to Bob’s inevitable coronation, I’m going to hand out my own awards. Ready your hands for polite applause, and prepare your best ‘I didn’t realise that side-eye would be caught on camera’ face. First category is:
Best Reality TV Moment
And the winner is… Cynthia Lee Fontaine! Who reveals that she was diagnosed with – and has since survived – stage 1 liver cancer when she left the show. Cynthia girl, our thoughts are with you. To be clear, I am absolutely not making fun of the fact she had cancer: I have an enormous amount of respect for the resilience she showed talking about her illness, especially on a show where people regularly break down over sewing supplies.
Let’s just note that she made sure to point out that she started experiencing symptoms during the week she got kicked out – as a justification for sashaying away, it will take some beating. Forget ‘I’m just not much of a dancer’ ‘You shouldn’t have to be a clown to win Drag Race’ – ‘I HAD CANCER BITCHES, I’D HAVE SWEPT THE FLOOR WITH YOU IF I DIDN’T HAVE FUCKING CANCER’. Cynthia takes home the Miss Congeniality crown, and it’s well-deserved.
Best Shade Thrown
Undoubtedly goes to Kim Chi: when asked during the fan questions segment which member of the Pit Crew she’d like to lose her virginity to, with perfect timing Kim replied ‘I’m not trying to catch anything so – I’m gonna say none of them.’
Condragulations Kim – putting those claws to good use.
Special mention to: Bob’s brother who, when asked what it was like to grow up with our champion, said ‘Bob used to cry on my birthday because it wasn’t about him.’
Bitterest Queen
You’re expecting me to say Acid Betty aren’t you but this one easily goes to Dax ExclamationPoint. Asked what her fans are like, Dax immediately starts off with ‘While I don’t have as many fans as Bob or Kim Chi’, resentment dripping from every syllable. Laila McQueen, who was eliminated at the same damn time, is chirpy and upbeat. Dax, maybe consider why you don’t have as many fans as Bob or Kim Chi before you next open your mouth.
Most Random Appearance
Lena Headey with a video message for Naomi Smalls. As I watched Lena tell Naomi to ‘Cersei that walk’, I wondered if it was meant to refer to Cersei’s walk of shame (where she was pelted with shit, etc.) because that doesn’t seem like the best reference. I thought, ‘Is Naomi a big Game of Thrones fan? I don’t think she’s mentioned it but she must have some… there must be a reason for this?’ Then the camera went back to Naomi, and she was as baffled as the rest of us. Conclusion: Naomi Campbell was busy and there wasn’t a lot of time to find someone else.
Best Dressed
Violet Chachki, in a dress so enormous the breeze as she turned nearly knocked Naomi Smalls off her feet. A serious power move, and just really fucking cool to boot.
Most Shocking Revelation
‘I’m not actually bisexual’ – Katya Zamolodchikova
And finally…
Best Timing
Bob the Drag Queen, whose single ‘Purse First’ dropped almost before she was announced as winner. Congratulations Bob, and dear readers, I leave you with said single to judge as you please. See you next year!
