RuPaul’s Drag Race S7E13: Countdown to the Crown

Bryony Bates

A reduced service this week sweethearts – it’s only the pre-finale clip show and I must restore myself before the crowning next week. We had commentary from legendary former contestants, unseen footage (all two minutes of it), and the première of the ‘Born Naked’ video featuring the final three.

Here are my top 10 highlights from this episode: a précis of a summary, if you will. In no particular order by the way, I’d like to say that’s because I don’t believe in imposing hierarchical structures on the joy of human experience, but really because I’m too lazy to copy and paste.

  1. 1. Fashion queens Raja and Raven rehashing Kennedy’s death becomes her outfit – #ChickenOrWhat

  2. 2. Adore Delano: ‘If I was doing a nude illusion challenge I’d come out naked like this is what you wanted, then I’d lift up my penis and there’d be a disco ball under there.’ I ADORE U. I ADORE U. I ADORE U. I ADORE.

  3. 3. Learning that Bianca the shade queen doesn’t have the ovaries to look Ru in the eye, unlike our dear Pearl. But maybe that’s just because she’s too cross-eyed.

  4. 4. RuPaul explaining the origins of ‘She done already done had herses,’ overheard in a burger joint in Atlanta, Georgia. I believe this is a genuine story, but she tells it like she’s acting someone telling a genuine story. Where does the illusion end? Is there such a person as RuPaul Charles? Also, can we take this to mean she once ate burgers? Though she placed herself in the fast food establishment in question, she never quite declared she was there to eat.

  5. 5. Confirmation of how to spell Pearl’s special neologism: It’s ‘flazéda’. It’s important to hyphenate the e, she says – bitch that’s an acute accent. I didn’t have to Google that, not at all.

  6. 6. The Katya splits montage. In the words of Latrice Royale: ‘That bitch can spread her legs like peanut butter.’ From the mouth of the lady herself: ‘My pussy is trending on Craigslist.’ Love you, Miss Congeniality.

  7. 7. Pearl’s allegation that Miss Fame had an erection during their jelly wrestling – we do know she’s a thirsty bitch, she was that keen to see Trixie’s dick in the unseen footage. For shame Fame, you’re a married woman.

  8. 8. More of Alaska Thunderfuck as Not Anna Wintour. You know, maybe she should just do that full time instead of, you know, being herself. It’s an improvement.

  9. 9. Miss Fame only reaching the number 3 spot for top fashion queens, purely because I can see her sitting at home spitting (chicken) feathers.

  10. 10. Jinkx eats tape.


Shadiest comments

Sharon Needles on Jasmine Masters: ‘Jasmine Masters’ abs, you could do your laundry on those – man, you’d think her costumes would be cleaner.’

Jujubee on facial hair: ‘You know Willam was pissed missing out on that beard challenge.’

Violet on Michelle Visage: ‘She probably has a bigger man body than I do without her implants.’

Alaska as Not Anna Wintour: ‘You’re born naked and the rest is awful.’

Best cameos

Alaska Thunderfuck’s breast plate.

Jinkx Monsoon’s newly adopted Max accent, or Maxent.

Bianca’s cross eyes.

See you next week for the final!

Will America’s next drag superstar be Pearl (no), Violet (maybe) or Ginger (probably)? I for one can’t wait to find out so I can buy the tickets for the losers’ UK tour dates that no one wants anymore. And so can you!

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About Bryony Bates

Bryony likes reading, writing, glamour and anger. @Bryony_Bates