Alcoholic units: 1
Ready meals for 2 (eaten alone): 1
It hit me this morning, when I rolled into the office plied with two Beroccas, a coffee and a handful of Crunchy Nut, looking like a Paul Weller tribute act – what a state I truly am.
Have been running on empty recently. Oh life, oh life.
I’m still not really over the encounter in the club. Husband material – hell, shag material! – does not get leathered and throw itself at the nearest man to the door.
Was dreading seeing Receptionist Boy. Managed to dart past as he turned his back to go to the water cooler. In the space of 24 hours I’ve gone from stealthy sex assassin to a cowering hermit.
Spent the rest of the morning tapping my mouse fabulously and squinting at the screen without actually sending a single email. When in doubt, blag. Look confident, do fuck all.
I’m becoming uneasily aware of my boss cottoning on to what I get up to, though. Several knowing glances have been shot my way, but I can’t really tell whether they’re angry or want to stage an intervention.
To be fair, I can always say I’ve had man flu. Self inflicted, but I have been an under par man today with panda eyes and a paracetamol dazed stare.
Without sounding creepy, boss followed me into the toilets. Stealth-inappropriate-assassin. I think he wanted a chat about reforming The Jam or just why I’m such a state. Like a classy broad, hid in the loo. Moment of shame put off for another day.
I’m hoping that one day I’ll look back on these columns, from my private office in some skyscraper in New York, and laugh at my humble/tragic beginnings, before I sorted my life out and made my first million. We’ll see how that turns out…
For now I’m making a mid-January resolution to not be a mess. It’s a disgrace. I’m a disgrace.
Receptionist Boy smiled at me when I left. It wasn’t ironic. I hope it wasn’t ironic. He doesn’t seem as jaded as the rest of the gays I know. It’s fresh, exciting. Can’t help but feel I’m going to corrupt him. Public menace #Jack.
Got home. Chicken tikka for two. Nap. Here. Going to raise my game tomorrow… We’ll see.