20 Signs He’s a Complete Loser

Dylan Jones

Alcoholic vegetarian Londoner looking for my jacket. Likes Pritt Stick, adjectival agreements, vinegar, Serena Williams, tattooed men, Camden Station and panthers (in that order). Dislikes fennel. Once threw chips at someone from Made In Chelsea.@dylanbjones

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Here are fifteen indubitable, inimitable signs that the guy you’re dating is a complete loser. We don’t care if he’s really sweet, or he’s friends with that new DJ at East Bloc, or he used to do PR for Jameela Jamil. Unfollow, block, delete, reject call, report for spam. That’s a dealbreaker ladies, shut it down.

1. He’s had one of those awful Room Service photos as his profile picture.

2. He owns a studded baseball cap (or one of those ones with metal spikes coming down from the peak. Awful)

3. He thinks ARTPOP is seminal

4. He got excited about The Saturdays performing at Heaven

5. His Grindr profile says “no fat, ugly or Asians pls”

grindr-hate

6. He thinks Amy Childs is, like, such a babe

7. He’s seen Wicked more than once

8. He has breakfast at Balans, then checks in and posts a picture of it on Instragram

9. He refuses to go to East London because it’s “well scary”

10. He’s got any Katy Perry song on his iTunes

katy-perry-penis

11. He loves Big Bang Theory but he’s never heard of 30 Rock

12. He thinks Cheryl Cole is a national treasure

13. He says “chinky” instead of Chinese takeaway

14. He thinks Crimea is a new type of moisturiser.

15. His favourite movie is Mean Girls

you-cant-sit-with-us

16. His favourite Drag Race contestant is Phi Phi O’ Hara

17. He doesn’t drink or take drugs because he’s “high on life”

18. He’s auditioned for the X Factor

19. He thinks Pharrell’s still cool

20. He owns a onesie

onesie

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