Not every queer person, of whatever particular box of orientation, is interested in Eurovision. I know it’s a statement to make, but it happens to be true. I type before you as an example of a Eurovision-hating gay. So here is my list of suggested activities instead of watching Eurovision 2015:
1) Revise for an exam
This is particularly for students, but as someone undertaking an NVQ at the moment, knowing I have an exam on Tuesday (who books an exam after a Bank Holiday? Arseholes…), I will spend great swathes of time revising what CPD is (see above for an example).
Meanwhile, up and down the country students are stressing over their GCSEs, A Levels, and Degree exams. Yayzies.
2) Watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show
A few years ago I introduced my friend to The Rocky Horror Picture Show – the film adaptation of Richard O’Brian’s legendary show stage show – during Eurovision. We missed Loreen smashing her win, but we got twatted and sang ‘Rose Tint My World’ ‘til Columbia’s nipples were out.
3) Netflix binge
The same friend convinced me to watch Once Upon A Time and I haven’t regretted it. Got a show you have been putting off watching on Netflix? Why not break out that bad boy for a binge session. With wine. Obvs.
Sounds daft but tis a season on (allegedly) from spring and your room/flat/house/abode is probably getting a bit dusty, so why not break out the dusters and give it a good scrub down?
5) Catch up on work
Let’s face it – with all the bank holidays in May work tends to get … left to one side a little bit. Why not do something about it and catch up with something that got left to the bottom of the To-Do pile coz you were too busy dancing like a twat last BHM?
And if you do shift work, why not ask for an extra shift – your boss will love you for it.
6) Visit your local gay scene
SINCE EVERYONE WILL BE AT HOME WATCHING THE EUROVISION THERE WILL BE NO QUEUE FOR BOOZE!!! Just several hundred women on hen-dos asking why you aren’t at home watching it. Or even worse – Eurovision theme nights where it’s being live broadcast. *shudder*
7) Have a night in with your partner
Assuming of course they aren’t at a Eurovision party right now…
8) Go to the gym
See point #6. ‘Cept substitute booze for equipment and women on hen dos for ‘hetero’ men.
9) Have some ‘alone time’
Well, let’s face it – the majority of Eurovision entrants are doing that with their musical talent right now, so why not join in the fun?
10) Troll Eurovision fans on Twitter/Facebook/Tumblr, etc.
Well you are probably going to be given a blow-by-blow of the whole lot at some point by one of your friends (mine is currently in Vienna and will have his mouth forcibly stapled shut if he so much as dares to – James you have been warned), so why not troll them mercilessly online.