Buckingham Palace surely gave a collective sigh of relief with the news this week that Baby George and his parents have become the very happy owners of free lifetime flights to Ibiza on Jet2. Heaven knows they could certainly not have managed it any other way. Good on them for winning the competition to be the most Royal family in the UK. One does wonder however, considering his uncle’s track record for tabloid-fuelling debauchery in well-known hot-spots, what exactly will Baby George be getting up to in Ibiza? Will he follow in his handsome father’s footsteps and be a proper English Gentleman, or will his be more like his hot uncle and get drunkenly wasted as often as possible. I’m hoping for the latter. In either case: 10 things that Baby George won’t be doing in Ibiza.
10. The ancient fortress
Many tourists take at least an hour out of being mindlessly drunk in Ibiza to see the sights of the town. One of these sights, and possibly the most interesting (for those not growing up in castles) is the medieval fortress. Not Baby George! Having grown up in much more resplendent houses, the old fortress won’t be a place for Royal Spotting any time soon.
9. Matinee @ Amnesia
Surely the name says it all: Amnesia – certainly sounds like the kind of club a Royal baby should stay out of. One of the more outrageous parties full of scantily-clad dancers and very hot bodies, this is one place that Baby George would never visit without Uncle Harry.
8. Drive across Ibiza on a four-wheeler
British hottie twins Jack and Finn accomplished this in a video last year, but this is one adventure that Baby George wouldn’t be able to do without his many minders, GPS transmitters and his Great-Gran coming along with the corgies. It might look like fun, but locking your baby carseat onto the back of a four-wheeler isn’t as easy as it looks!
7. Visit a nudist beach
Aside from not being able to visit anywhere without his parents at his young age, he also can’t go anywhere without the entire contingent of UK paparazzi following. Unfortunately for future Baby George, that means no chances to pick up girls interested in spending some private time with the heir to the throne on a nudist beach on the white island.
6. Finding out why it’s called the White Island
I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that Uncle Harry hasn’t already taught Baby George a thing or two before his first visit to Ibiza, and while there, Baby George doesn’t discover that the island isn’t called the White Island because of its lack of racial diversity, or its white sandy beaches.
5. Playing strip pool in a mate’s hotel room
Even Royals occasionally learn from their mistakes, or in this case, the mistakes of their hot uncles. Beware Baby George – make sure you’ve confiscated all the players’ mobile phones first!
4. Taking Laybacks off the bar
Never heard of a layback? They’re a bit old-fashioned, a bit hardcore, and pretty dangerous. You lie back over the bar, with your mouth open. The “bartender” (read: Drunken large-breasted model) pours a bottle of spirits down your throat as fast as you can swallow. She stops when you sit up, throw up, or drown. Whichever comes first. Not for the light hearted, or the cadburys out there. Baby George would be well advised to give these a miss if he wants to sit on the Iron Throne
3. Going to a foam party
We all know that Ibiza is known for its parties, it has some of the best in the world – including its foam parties. Take a room full of 18 – 30 year olds, pepped up on drinks and other party favours, and then add the delightful slipperiness of foam into the mix. Nothing says “I need me a Royal Baby Daddy” faster than a drunk girl at a foam party. Or a drunk boy at a foam party come to think of it. As long as he brings his hot uncle.
2. Partying all night until the sun comes up
Let’s face it, Baby George isn’t going to be able to go anywhere without his minders. Popping into the bathroom stall with a group of mates to down a few isn’t going to be easy to do when you have to fit 3 bulky MI-6 guys in there too. (Could be fun though) Also, these MI-6 guys probably aren’t Daniel Craig, and probably want to be in bed no later than 1am. So much for being out all night, the party only just got started.
1. Flying with Jet2.