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Australia is the country that brought the world Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and Muriel’s Wedding – be aware that Australian gay men have the most superior of tastes when it comes to picking a good dance track or mood-mover. Except for me, because I can’t help but fill a void in my personality by attempting to make it with the ‘in’ crowds by liking everything they do.
This here list is a certain reflection of that. Enjoy. Or don’t, whatever.
1. ‘Down Under’ – Men at Work
Apart form a very literal meaning, this song’s musical arrangement, use of a funny little flute and ridiculously corny lyrics serve up a slice of heaven for homosexuals. Vegemite and cheese anyone?
2. ‘Your Disco Needs You’ – Kylie Minogue
This is quintessentially gay. It’s something I’m certain that even the Scissor Sisters would find a bit much. But Kylie and her hotpants will forever be in our hearts.
3. ‘Can’t Touch It’ – Ricki-Lee
Despite having not taken the top gong at Australian Idol in 2004, she did succeed in placing among the top three gay Aussie icons of this generation – well, at least in our hearts.
4. ‘Sitting On Top of the World’ – Delta Goodrem
Brave, brave Delta. This cancer-conquering queen has soared since her early acting days on Neighbours (very Kylie-esque, I must say) and bedazzled at this year’s Sydney Mardi Gras after party.
5. ‘I Go to Rio’ – Peter Allen
Albeit, not an original song, it wasn’t until The Boy from Oz got his fabulous hands on it until we were all shaking our bums to the beat with this ridiculously gay anthem.
6. ‘Touch Myself’ – The Divinyls
You’re standing across the dancefloor/bar/sauna from an incredibly attractive person when this song starts playing and you dance along, ultimately scoring the best sex of your life. Is it really a wonder why this has made the cut? R.I.P Chrissy Amphlett, I always think of you when touching myself xx
7. ‘Love is in the Air’ – John Paul Young
Hats off to Baz Luhrmann’s debut feature (which was almost not made) for re-energising this hit and ensuring it had a permanent place in Australian film history – the campest, most over-the-top set of films in the world.
8. ‘Clap Your Hands’ – Sia
A living legend, this woman has skyrocketed to fame after numerous collaborations with David Guetta and Flo Rida, among others. Openly bisexual, her music always gets me in the groove – and that, on my darkest days, is a momentous challenge.
9. ‘Truly Madly Deeply’ – Savage Garden
Personally, I wish this song had never been made. It just brings a downer to any disco dancefloor. But being one of the only gay Australian men still alive, it’s a default top ten. I still prefer Cascada’s cover version.
10. ‘On A Night Like This’ – Kylie Minogue
Yes, she’s on here twice. Poor Dannii has missed out on this one because her pop songs just don’t hit home, or the jukebox of any Sydney gay bars in quite the same way.
An honorary mention goes to EVERY ABBA SONG OF ALL TIME. I’m well aware the foursome consists exclusively of sexy Swedes – I’m a diehard fan after all – but if it wasn’t for the Australian gay scene picking up a few old ABBA records and spinning them in an attempt to be bitterly ironic upon the dancefloor in the 90s, they’d never have reemerged to cult status.
For our efforts at keeping any old queen popular, we accept praise via $10,000 cheques and smug attitude can be delivered direct by smacking your head against a vanity mirror in any overly lit IKEA store.