Much Ado About Dating

Jonathan Hoffman
Latest posts by Jonathan Hoffman (see all)

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is really, really hard to find…


When I was first approached with the idea to write an article about my dating do’s and don’ts, I was single and down to mess around. I thought, “Oh my god, I am the king of being single, I am the king of the dating game.” That was the moment that I found out I was completely obnoxious, and oblivious to what dating really is. That was the moment that I found out I was a real boy.

Dating is not like any Drew Barrymore movie I’ve seen. Like, wtf?! In reality, dating is a really hard and complicated social practice. A practice that requires a good profile picture with a good filter, and a lot of ‘What’s your favorite color’ talk. Once I perfected my online dating profile, decided my favorite color is peach shimmer, and really started dating, I realized all the dating rules in the universe just led to unfavorable consequences, like blue balls. Blue ball syndrome is real. I know this because dating rule #1 is that you are not supposed to have sex on the first date. I followed that rule… until I realized I could never land a second date. So, here we are. My Dating Do’s and Don’ts:

*Do have sex-Whether it’s on the first date or second, it doesn’t matter. Sex is always a good idea.

*Don’t talk about any of your exes. Chances are I dated one of them.

*Do have good hygiene.

*Don’t brag about money, just pay for dinner.

*Do be honest about what you really want.

*Don’t be sloppy.

*Do smile, be yourself,  unless “yourself” is a grumpy bastard.

*Don’t send numerous ‘What are you doing?’ texts. Pace yourself.

*Do be courteous.

*Don’t be weird. Just don’t.

*Do listen – like a Beyonce song.

*Don’t hate on Britney Spears.


Don’t follow anyone’s dating advice, not even mine. Every relationship is different, that is what makes dating so fun. What works for me may not work for you, and that’s okay. Don’t be hounded by rules, just follow your emotions – even if they make you look weird.

What I learned from writing this article is that we need to worry less about dating rules, and focus more on simply communicating what we want in another individual. Honesty is the best policy, right? More importantly, what I really learned from writing this article is that from all the bad dates, gay boy problems, Twitter wars, heartbreaks, and other disasters, you will find light. I thought that light was going to be me on a beach, buying a Kindle, while my husband is buying me a drink. However, that light is actually when you look up and find the cutest boy reading his Kindle while you’re writing an article on your dating do’s and don’ts and say, “My favorite color isn’t really peach shimmer…it’s navy.” That, my friends, is the silver lining.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is amazing. Love is Love…once you find it, of course. Happy searching, communicating, sexting and dating!

About Jonathan Hoffman

Jonathan Hoffman is a 20-something-year-old writer who is on the search for the perfect beer, burrito and boy. Sometimes he likes to write, sometimes he likes to talk about boys and sometimes he likes to write about talking about boys. He’s cooler than this bio makes him sound.