Nude in 2014

dappy naked

Jack Rear

Jack is a Creative Writing Student from the North of England, though currently studying near London. His hobbies include shopping for bowties, playing videogames, getting excited over the latest Doctor Who release, flailing his limbs in attempts at dancing, and singing along (badly) to terrible pop music.

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Dude, have you seen how many celebrity nudes there are out there? Jeez. It’s ridiculous.

Ok, so here’s a bit of knowledge that you may not know. Celebrities take nude selfies. They also use Skype. They also have sex with strangers from time to time. Once upon a time they could do this just like the rest of us, with relative anonymity and discretion. Perhaps once the intimate images they shared were for the eyes of their chosen ones, no longer. Unfortunately, now that everybody in the world has a camera phone and Twitter, nothing is private anymore. At least not for celebrities. Celebrities busted.

I’m sure a lot of you out there have taken nude selfies for various reasons, and most of us do that safe in the knowledge that our intimate snaps won’t be leaked to the press. The tough thing about being in the public eye is that someone, somewhere, always wants to see your cock. Even if they don’t find you attractive, they still wanna see you naked. It’s actually kind of weird if you think about it.

Some celebrities are aware of their ability to cause a stir with a cheeky naked pic. How many times have we had celebrities promising to get naked if their latest record hits number one? How many times have McFly actually worn clothes in a promo? Who can forget that time Dappy leaked a full-frontal photo to promote his cock (oh yeah, and his single) to try to get to the top of the charts?

On the other hand though, most of the time, these pictures are leaked by one night standees (Bieber), or nabbed by phone hacking journalists, or jilted lovers (Buble), and most of the time, these pictures cause a lot of embarrassment for the person involved.

In fact, not only does a leaked photo cause a great deal of embarrassment for an unfortunate celeb, it also provides an opportunity for the press to raise the issue of their moral standards. As though being naked and doing anything sexual somehow shows a moral deficiency. While her nudity was hardly leaked, the Wrecking Ball controversy generated by Miley Cyrus surely goes to show that our society isn’t quite so post-Victorian as we might want to believe. We’re just as hypersensitive about sexual organs as we ever were. But why should we care?

Should we be judging our favourite celebs for getting their cocks out on camera? Making and sending nude selfies? No. They have their own private lives, who are we to judge them on what they wish to share with the people they choose. Most people do it, the rest of us just don’t get called out on it or have dedicated Twitter feeds set up to expose us.

Yes, it might feel like a punch right in the childhood when Dylan Sprouse’s naked body is blowing up your Twitter, but I think it’s time we start accepting that celebrities are just as much sexual beings as anyone else and they have every right to be.

Actually, if we’re all honest with ourselves maybe it’s time that our morbid fascination with celebrity junk ended. Yes, a grainy picture of what might be Jack Whitehall’s cock is all well and good, but the porn industry has created dozens more of exactly the same or even higher quality. Ok, so Lee Ryan had a wank, so what? The internet is full to bursting with equal specimens. When you look at it in that sense, you start to realise that catching a celebrity with their trousers down (literally) isn’t actually at all sexual in motivation, we just kind of enjoy seeing these people who seem to have it all squirming as the most intimate parts of themselves are held up for all the world to see. Now whose morals are lacking?

The truth is that people do these things in the heat of the moment and don’t stop to consider the implications. Yes, maybe taking a nude selfie and sending it to a relative stranger who then leaks it is a mistake, but we all make mistakes.

It’s time for us to stop thinking of celebrity penis as something amazing and special and start thinking of it as what it is: exactly like everyone elses!

Let’s make being nude in 2014 nothing to be ashamed of! Hell, with Grindr, Skype and camera phones buzzing around everywhere, phone and internet sex is getting easier and easier. It’s time to reclaim nudity from the jaws of moral depravity and hold it up to the shining lights of freedom and fun!

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