Oli Wilde – Haven’t you got anywhere to be?

Oli Wilde
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Catch up on Oli’s experiences so far here.

Getting a new job in a new city seemed a very good reason to celebrate. Matt had travelled down to see how I was getting on in Brighton, the pair of us had met in secondary school and been best friends ever since. When I had told him I was moving away from our home town he refused to talk to me for weeks. The first I had heard from him since the news was a phone call to tell me that he was on a train down and I needed to be ready to meet him.

“I cannot believe you did it” he said to as he stepped out of our hug. “We talked about doing it so often but I never really thought it was something that would ever happen. I’m really proud of you”. He continued with a big grin on his face.

“It took a lot. I almost changed my mind just before I left and didn’t want to get on the train”. I told him.

“Well I’m so glad you jumped, and now you have a great job in internet marketing”. He said.

“I do indeed!” I said with a wide smile, ever so slightly smug that I had managed to land the job with no experience. I would never have called myself internet savvy but it seemed that I had won the boss over with my interview. “I just need to find a great flat to move into now”. I continued.

“Well what if we were to live together?” He asked.

Stunned it took a moment for the words to leave my mouth. “I’m sorry what? Did you just say live together?” I asked him.

“Yes that is exactly what I said, how would you feel if I moved down here to and we moved in together? It would definitely help cut down on costs a little, and we can find a great two bed place.”

At this point I realised Matt’s comment wasn’t as spontaneous as I had thought. He had been looking into this option for the last few weeks since I had moved away. He already had a short list of places that he thought would be great for us to move into.

“I haven’t booked anything yet, I wanted to check with you whether it would be something you were interested in”. He said.

“It sounds great!” I responded “I couldn’t think of anyone better to live with.”

That night the pair of us went for a few cocktails at all bar one, which turned into a night of very heavy drinking in revenge.

I awoke startled as I felt a heavy arm flop onto my hip, as I rolled over slowly I was confronted by a face that I did not recognise. He wasn’t bad looking, but I looked down from his face and all I could see was hair. His entire body was covered with it. I’m the kind of guy that likes another guy to have a bit of body hair making him look manly, but this was a little too much for me.

I pushed myself up out of bed as quietly as possible so as not to risk waking him up, which would only lead to an awkward conversation of me not remembering his name or what it was that resulted in him spending the night in my bed. I carefully crept down the stairs to find Matt sitting on the sofa already dressed, he turned to face me with a huge grin on his face.

“It’s nice to see you have returned to the land of the living Mr Wilde.”

“Please don’t, I’m still to delicate for a lecture at the moment. And another thing who on earth is that in my bed?” I ask him, not really sure if I wanted to know the answer or just be left in my own state of ignorance.
“Oh that would be Sam do you not remember meeting him at the bar last night? You told him he would be buying you a drink and for some strange reason he found it charming and did just that. From then on he was stuck to your side all night like a lost puppy. It was cute at first but then it just got annoying, so I got rid of him for you.”

Matt could see my face turn to confusion as he made this comment. “But if you got rid of him then how did eh end up back here in my bed?” I asked.

“Well I thought I had gotten rid of him but as we were leaving you spotted him for the taxi and declared “oi Sean get in you’re coming back with us!” As my mouth dropped his smile broadened. “You will never learn will you Oli when I get rid of someone I am doing it in your best interest I am not ever trying to stop you from being with someone.”

Although I know he is only doing it in my best interest I can’t help but feel a little annoyed with Matt for thinking that he knows what I need better than I do myself. But at that moment my thoughts stop dead as I look up to see Sam standing in the doorway with just his jeans on showing off the full extent of his hairy chest. He walks towards me and plants a kiss on my lips, which has me a little taken aback, more so when he walks over to the sofa and I notice that his hair does not stop on his head but continues all the way down his back to meet his jeans like a pertinent jumper that cannot be removed.

“Morning” I say to him with a slightly forced smile “Do you not have anywhere you need to be today?” I ask him hoping that it will give him the impression that it is time to leave without me having to be so cruel as to ask him to leave so quickly.

“No I told you last night silly, I have nothing to do today I am completely free. You can have me all day.”

At that moment I was hit by an extreme level of dread, there was nothing horrifying about this guy that made me want him to leave but I felt awful and just wanted a nice long shower and left to suffer my hangover alone, well apart from the pizza that I had already ordered in my head.
“Six that evening he left the house!” I exclaimed looking at the other guys. “He was there all day, in the end I had to lie to him and tell him that I had to get to work to do an evening shift. Which resulted in me getting dressed into my work uniform, sitting on a bus with him into town and then getting off at work just to sit and wait for a bus to take me back home again.” I continued.

“Well it is your own fault babe, you shouldn’t have let him stay the night. I am very clear with my guys from the off. Do not expect to spend the night with me, you are here for one thing and then once that is over you can go, that’s what I tell them every time.” Leon tell us all.

“And guys don’t care that you tell them that.” I ask him.

“Oh honey this is Brighton that is all most of the guys around here want. You just managed to pick up the one guy in the city looking for something else. We need to teach you how to be a little more careful with picking your men.” Antony joined in. “I operate under a similar system as Leon except I do not let someone come back to mine, I go back to theirs so that I can leave as soon as possible after. Well I stay long enough for them to fall asleep and then I sneak out of the house so that there is no awkward goodbyes or pretending to want to take their phone number. It’s just easier to get out and skip all of the crap.”

“Oh no I would not stay at someone else’s house, never.” Leon interjects. “They come home with me that way I have all the power and I’m in a place that I know well and there is no possible chance for any confusion.”

“Oh don’t listen to them babe, I will stay over and then stay for a couple of hours the next morning if I like them.” Ricky stated. “Well actually I won’t go home with someone if I am not even remotely interested in them, what is the point of wasting my time. I won’t stay for long though, you do not want to out stay your welcome, leave it too long and they will find a way to make you leave.”

“So both you and Leon will not stay until the next morning then, or let them stay until the next morning, should I say.” I ask Anthony.

“Not a chance.” He says to me.

“You have to get the balance of spending time there right, you want to stay long enough so that they like you and want you to come back but then leave soon enough so that they are not wondering when you will go home.” Ricky says.

At that moment I began to wonder just how long is the right amount of time if Ricky was right you want to stay with someone in the morning just long enough so that they know that you are interested in them but then find an excuse to leave so that you don’t look sad and spending time with someone you met the night before is the only thing you have to do that day.

“No one wants what you had, a cling on that would not leave until you had to force them out of the door. They just look sad and needy. Take my advice babe, give the. Something that will make them want you to come back and then find an excuse that makes you look far too busy just sit around all day and get out.” Ricky continues.

When did one night stands become so common that we have developed a system for what should happen the next morning so as to get the bet out of the situation. It seemed that my friends were so used to doing it that they had developed systems so as to avoid any conversation at all the next morning.

Just what is the required time to spend with someone to ensure they know that you are interested in more than just the initial night with them and could be looking for that little bit more. What if they themselves are not looking for anything more and have the same ideas as Anthony and Leon could you unwittingly be taking someone home for the night just for them to sneak out of the bed before you wake up the next morning

Now that I think about it how can two people possibly know what they are letting themselves in for if they take someone home with them straight away? It may well be better that the mistakes are made right from the off, at least if someone wants to sneak out after one night they have not wasted your time by letting you think that they are interested in something when all they want is a fling.

As people become more promiscuous and willing to spend a night with a stranger it seems that it is for ever becoming more difficult for us to find someone who wants more than just a night of fun. Yet with this being said there are those out there who want that little bit more, they are just unlikely to be found on the dance floor of a club with a drink in their hand.

Saying that maybe I had found the exception to rule in Sam, even if I had not been ready at the time for someone as interested as he was.

About Oli Wilde

If it isn't all about sex, then what else is there?