Today two major pieces of news came to light – that Nigel Farage was named ‘Briton of the Year’ by Murdoch-owned paper The Times, and that Jodie Marsh wants to become an MP by setting up her own political party. Both concepts elicit similar reactons. In case you’re also suffering from a serious case of WTFs, we’ve given you this handy list of 18 warning signs. If you have 12 or more of these, then find the nearest wall and bang your head against it repeatedly. It’s the only known cure.
1. First you think it’s a joke, because it has to be right?
2. Then someone informs you that it’s serious. Deadly serious.
3. So you check it out on reputable news sources (I mean, we know that The Daily Mail isn’t reputable but they can hardly publish something like that about Jodie Marsh).
4. And you’re appalled by The Times’ (?!?!?!) clear lack of sanity. I mean, this is a paper, right?
5. But then the penny drops.
6. And getting upset…
7. …or angry…
8. …seems to be the ONLY way you can deal with this news.
9. Until you realise that clearly Jodie Marsh doesn’t understand how the political system works if she wants to set up a party just so she can run for MP.
10. And that Nigel Farage is the political equivalent of a Twitter troll.
11. BUT WAIT – a friend comments on your status update laughing it off by saying that they’d actually vote for them (either of ’em)!
12. Coming up with wild speculation in an attempt to goad you into a discussion (read: fight).
13. And all you can think is…
14. Of course, the idea that one of them will knock on your door in the run-up to the General Election terrifies you.
15. But, of course, you have a response lined up just in case:
16. Still, stranger things have happened in politics and the thought of either of them winning sits at the back of your mind.
17. But for the most part you aren’t worried. Honestly.
Because while Jodie Marsh has improved her image a lot over the last few years, she hasn’t a hope in hell.
And although Nigel Farage has been allowed on Question Time…
…so has Russell Brand…
(Even though Caroline Lucas should have gotten on there years ago.)
18. So you’re quietly confident.
In a few years both Nigel and Jodie will be like Justin Vivian Bond in Shortbus.
After calmly realising that they are not actually wanted in British politics.
In the meantime: keep calm, and think like Mary Poppins!