The Queen’s Speech

Adam Lowe

Adam Lowe is an award-winning author, editor and publisher from Leeds, now based in Manchester. He runs Dog Horn Publishing and is Director and Writing Coordinator for Young Enigma, a writer development programme for LGBT young people.
Adam Lowe

queenMamaMorning loyal subjects, your Queen Mama is speaking. Or should I address you with ‘afternoon’? After all, most of you won’t be reading this until well after midday. Mama herself only managed to make this morning announcement because, well, she’s not been to sleep in the first place. Let’s just say the Prince Consort and I had a very, very, very white Christmas.

But on to business.

If you’re reading this, my lovely Queermas missive, then you’re no doubt aware of our little slice of webspace already. But let me tell you the story of how it began.

You see, Queen Mama is a very resourceful kinda girl. She’s full of imagination. And some time in October she decided it best to start her own magazine. A queer magazine with a difference. The kind of sharp eye a real queen possesses, served up with the same sense of fun typically found only in the wide-eye of a chicken only just discovering what it means to be gay.

Because most gay magazines aren’t for me, dears. One learns quickly that the image of finely shaped porcelain youth one sees on the cover images of gay magazines doesn’t quite represent one’s own queer reality. One learns quickly that there’s more to queer life than bum sex, poppers and camp music. Perhaps not much more, but there is more nonetheless.

And this is ironic, of course. Because Queen Mama is a huge stereotype. She was once referred to as a caricature of herself by her favourite English teacher.

But that’s not the point. The point is that Queen Mama wanted to do it her way. One has always been something of a drama queen!

So Queen Mama called on her most loyal subjects, and bade them build for her this digital queendom. And they did. And Queen Mama saw that it was good.

In our first month, we have achieved something quite special: 10,000 readers have visited our digital shores. As much as 54% of traffic each day is from new readers. In time, we’ll have a veritable army of Vadaists. Will you be with us or against us?

2013 will, one hopes, be as marvellous and regal as 2012. We’ll start off with the Vada Retox in January, where Queen Mama hopes to get as rat-arsed as is humanly possible. Then we’ll break up some couples and rejoice in their agony for February. Other curious delights await for the remainder of the year.

In the meantime, take care, and remember: when you ride, always wear condoms and crash helmets.