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Cottaging is a sub-culture of gay cruising, specifically the anonymous sex between men in a public lavatory. The term stems from the Victorian era, where a ‘cottage’ was used to describe a public toilet building. So in 2025, is cottaging still popular and how does it interplay with our use of technology?
Cottaging, a brief history
The term ‘cottaging’ is a British term originating from the Victorian era, when public toilets often took the form of small cottages. Gay men soon adopted this word, which formed part of the coded language of Polari. Among gay men in the United States, lavatories used for this purpose were referred to as ‘tea rooms’.
Before the gay liberation movement (from the 1960s to mid-1980s) most gay and bisexual men were closeted. Additionally, for young men who were under age (i.e. could not enter gay bars), there were few places they could meet other gay men, so public toilets became an obvious and increasing choice to meet other men for sex.
Cottaging in pop culture
Whilst tabloid media has regularly sensationalised cottaging and cruising culture, the biggest moment was in 1998 when George Michael was arrested and publicly shamed after being caught cottaging by a policeman in Los Angeles. This created headlines and was a moment where this covert act went mainstream.
Later that year, George Michael released his song ‘Outside’ with accompanying music video. This high camp release featured the lyrics ‘Yes, I’ve been bad’, referring to the incident; a public toilet that turns into a disco with glitter balls; and police dancing with truncheons.
Cottaging was illegal then in the US and in the UK, and remains illegal in the UK today under the Sexual Offences Act 2003 – section 71.
Why cottage?
We spoke to gay men who still frequent public lavatories for the act of cottaging today. In our world of apps – too many to list here – cottaging still holds a sense of excitement and eroticism that technology cannot offer.
From that first moment of eye contact to the electric feeling of something so alluring yet forbidden, cottaging carries a thrill. In the moment there can be a lot of human connection even without uttering a single word – trying to ascertain if other men in that space are seeking the same thing has become an art form: watching for the sideways glances, the cubicle door ajar or someone lingering at a urinal slightly longer than usual.
Cottaging attracts men of different types: as well as the images of overtly gay men that cottaging may conjure up, this is also a culture that attracts the more discrete men – potentially married or in a relationship. Potentially because it offers the visual stimulation of voyeurism, and the fleeting gratification that cottaging brings – the unlikeliness of seeing the other man again.
Depending on the space available and the layout, there is scope for different levels of activity: from watching through to full penetration and everything in between.
Cottaging today
There are still popular public lavatories where men are more likely to find other men to go cottaging, and to a large extent this opportunistic approach is still how cottaging happens. But with the mass adoption of gay cruising apps there is now scope to pre-arrange a meet-up in a public location, which can sometimes extend to public toilets in offices and high-end hotels.
We won’t divulge specific locations in this article, but there are a number of well-known train station public toilets across London and the UK more widely that are known to be cottaging hot spots. Typically, cottaging happens outside of peak travel times, particularly because two men don’t want to be seen entering or exiting a cubicle together, to find a queue of other men waiting to use the facilities. Toilets in gay bars can be popular locations too, but if there are security staff, this often rules them out as locations.
One man we spoke to recalled his first cottaging experience, aged 17 (and now in his mid-30s) in the disabled toilet of a Debenhams (the now closed-down department store chain). Apparently, being bent over the support bar and fucked was a hot introduction to the sub-culture, but looking back he sees the heightened level of risk. The room was entirely enclosed, so when opening the door to leave he had no idea if someone was waiting outside to use it – luckily not on that occasion. He did acknowledge this was potentially selfish, so not something he has done since.
For another man, his typical experience is more demure. Rather than overtly playing with himself he will take time to notice if any other men are making the first indications about being open to cottaging – perhaps stroking their cock by a urinal or waiting in a cubicle with the door open. If he sees a guy he is interested in he will make eye contact and see if there is mutual interest before moving forward, often into a cubicle. If this is a cubicle that has a small gap at the bottom he will place his bag there to restrict anyone potentially outside being able to see there are two pairs of shoes.
Depending on where he is and his schedule for the day, he may not have had time to douche. In these instances, he tells us he prefers to stick to oral and is often able to meet more than one guy (i.e., suck more than one cock) in a day. He often brings his own condoms, lube, and wet wipes – as he says there is never a guarantee of availability of toilet paper in a public lavatory to wipe down afterwards.
From our interviews, it appears that cottaging is still as popular as ever, despite remaining illegal, with a diverse range of men experiencing it: from those in their early 20s up to 70s, albeit with more weighting on older men. Those taking part in cottaging often say that they do so without setting expectations – sometimes they find a match, but sometimes nothing happens.
However, it’s important to remain clued up about the law regarding cottaging. Even if cottaging does not result in a conviction, you may be cautioned, and this will still need to be declared on any criminal records checks made against you. Though it’s unlikely, you could also be added to the Sex Offenders’ Register if found cottaging.
If you’re aware of the legal risks and still intend to go cottaging, you should also take steps to protect your safety and the safety of those around you. It’s a good idea to bring a backpack or bag with your own condoms and lube, and wet wipes to clean up after yourself.
