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Fucking. Shagging. Intercourse. Banging. ‘Doing the nasty’. Doing *it*. ‘Bumping uglies’. ‘Rough and tumble’. ‘Canoodling’. SEX. It’s great, isn’t it? All of it. Even just as a concept. This thing that’s been so taboo for hundreds of years (and still is, to an extent) bonds us. Sometimes literally, if you meet a more adventurous man or woman. Firstly, the human race needs it to keep existing, and to keep evolving – we are all the product of two people shagging. Secondly, it promotes intimacy, which is something I think we could all use a lot more of.
I get massively narked when my friends use ‘slut’ as an insult. Just as narked, actually, as when they use ‘gay’ derogatorily. The use of the two terms is quite similar, in a way. Although one is born with DNA that makes them homosexual, and one isn’t born with DNA that makes them a ‘slut’, having sex with various partners is probably just as natural. You don’t see that many animals who mate for life, and I’m not convinced that humans would if we lived solely by our ‘natural instinct’. The introduction of marriage as a concept – which I presume was mostly kick-started by the Bible – and the enforcement of fidelity in marriage by this book is probably why the majority of people still aim for monogamous, two-person relationships. And that’s great, if that’s truly what you want – but nobody should feel sexually confined by a book. People bind books – not the other way around.
I’m a victim of this concept, I suppose. I bloody love the idea of having a monogamous relationship. Having such a private and secret intimacy (both mentally and sexually) between me and just one other person seems so special and desirable. Maybe this is the genuine appeal of monogamy to most people, but because the idea of promiscuity has pejorated so badly, it just makes me think that many people are still restricted by age-old rules, and haven’t really bothered to ‘think outside the box’ with regards to sex. They still see people who sleep around as the whores of Babylon, rather than people who just want to have a good time, or people that want to make someone else feel good. Obviously you should only have sex with someone you feel comfortable with – but you should certainly never limit yourself.
Since my last relationship, I’ve moved into a phase of resenting anything even remotely relationship-like. BALLS TO MEN, I thought. It’s not my job to babysit men, and yet it seems like that’s what they want. They want attention. They want to whine. They want intimacy. They seem to want this never-ending supply of ‘cuddling’, which I find is another truly revolting concept. Anyway – at the beginning of this phase, I found myself being intimate and/or sexual with other men and being honest about not wanting anything more. And when the other person was into that, it was great. Each person I was with probably helped me a little bit on the road to recovery from the stress of monogamy. And that’s mostly why I hate people talking badly of ‘sluts’ – because I probably temporarily was one, by most people’s definitions, and it helped me a lot.
It’s a little ironic that ‘slut’ used to mean ‘slovenly’ or ‘untidy’ because in my case, for example, a bit of promiscuity actually helped me organise myself. I wasn’t forced to care more about someone else than myself. The men I was with were essentially a few friends with benefits. Friends make you feel good about yourself, and sex can make you feel good about yourself, so together, they can be a great combination.
The name of ‘slut’ needs to be cleared. Maybe there should be a ‘Slut Pride’. Sluts, if safe, promote intimacy, exercise and sexual liberation. And orgasms. What’s so bad about that? Promiscuity can be a bit dodgy if you’re not clear with your partners about it, but if everyone’s aware, and consenting, then having the odd shag with someone can be a wonderful thing. Out with religious defamation of the promiscuous, I say, and in with embracing the sexually free.
