Oh The Agony

Latest posts by Bronni Hughes (see all)

Vada’s Agony Aunt Bronni Hughes gives this week’s dose of advice and reality checks. On the menu today: Best Friend Blues, Domestic Troubles & Soft Issues…

 

This girl’s just no good for my best mate. Total bad influence. She can’t seem to go out now without getting pilled up. I know it’s her choice, but seriously, it’s driving people away from her. Her gf’s just from a totally different crowd to all her usual mates.

Oh girl, have I been there. It makes you look like a total jealous shit when you hate a friend’s significant other- especially if you’re single yourself.

If she’s really your best mate sometimes you’ve got to trust her judgement and make the effort to find out what she sees in her girlf, go out with them and get to know her- give her the benefit of the doubt. If you find out you’re right and she really is a psycho drug hound then you should probably say something to your friend. Be tactful, obviously, but just say you’re worried about her, don’t make it specifically about the gf, just say that you and her other friends feel that you don’t see her enough and you’re not sure about her new gang.

She might brush off your concern but you’ll find that girlfriends that don’t mesh with the friend group tend to fizzle out eventually, but if she thinks it’s ~true love~ then  be prepared to put up with her, at least for the foreseeable future, and hope that she sees sense eventually. I’ve lost a friend in similar circumstances, and it makes me feel horrible wishing they’ll break up but at least I’ve found out where their loyalty lies?

 

I live with my ex. They cheated. We’re tied in. What the fuck do I do? Can’t get out of the contract 🙁

Now, this is a real sticky situation, but it’s also incredibly common. There are a few ways to get around this- ask your ex if they know anyone who’ll move in with them to take your place. If this is a no-go, my first piece of advice is to get thee to Gumtree, and try and find a new roommate if just one of you is going to move out, or someone new to rent the flat if you both want to leave. If you get someone to take your place right after you move, your landlord might be more willing to give you your deposit back.

If worst comes to worst you can always write off your lost deposit as a saving on legal fees for the future, when you marry them and find out they’re a cheating scumbag on your honeymoon.

If you really can’t afford this, I suggest talking to Shelter for better, more specific advice from someone who actually knows about tenant’s rights.

 

I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of months now and it’s all great. He wants me to top him though and I just can’t… Whenever a condom goes on me it just goes soft. Feel pretty useless to be honest. Any ideas?

It might be tempting to reach for a little blue pill and watch as all of your problems melt away, but this isn’t going to address the underlying issue. Are condoms really the obstacle here, or is it sexual anxiety related to being asked to do something new? If you think it sort of might be, I recommend you sit down for a chat with him and tell him you’re nervous- you don’t want him to start thinking you’re going floppy cause he’s not turning you on.

I think generally as a society we are too fixated with penetrative genital sex being the only legitimate way to make love. Ask any lesbian- there are plenty of ways to ‘top’ without a functioning penis- fingers, tongues and toys are all suitable substitutes that can actually be better than ‘the real thing’. Maybe when you’re more comfortable with topping without the necessity for a boner then it’ll come along by itself, until then- try to keep the pressure off and just enjoy yourselves.