Oh The Agony!

Sam Johnson
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Vada Agony Aunt Sam Johnson takes on this week’s agony offerings: Lost graduate, bottom meets bottom/lesbian bed death, and fat face.


I’ve just had my last exam and suddenly I feel really lost. The future just seems a big void right now. No idea where to go! How emo haha. What do you suggest?

My advice, as always, is going to be useless. I didn’t go to university, have been in the ‘real world’ since finishing college, and the whole thing still feels like a big void.

An awful lot of people feel the same way when it comes to change. We’re creatures of habit by design. The only thing that you can do is to throw yourself half-heartedly into a job you despise, working for people you hate with a genuine passion, keeping your head down and settling for mediocrity for the next 40-50 years until you’re forced to retire because you’re over-the-hill. Good luck!


Me and my bf have been together for a few months but are both bottoms. I know we can do more than that but I feel like I’m not satisfying him… Are we doomed?

No. Maybe. I don’t know. This could be the first case of lesbian bed death ever reported in an all male relationship. I’m going to assume that you’ve tried the whole top malarkey and weren’t a fan. Double-ender?

My honest advice is to talk to him. Worrying about things like this will kill the relationship before it’s even got going. You’ll convince yourself that it’s doomed and it may not have even crossed his mind because he’s enjoying what you’ve got. All relationships have their trials; hopefully this is your only one. It might be a bit early to say for sure but if you love each other, you can overcome obstacles like this. It doesn’t matter who mounts who, as long as you’re happy. Happy sucking.


I don’t know how it happened but I looked in the mirror the other day and realised what a whale I was. Guess I’ve let my game slip… I’ve been trying to work out but can’t shift the fat round my face and neck so I feel like I look massive all the time no matter what I do. How do I exercise my face?!

Ha. I don’t know why; I’ve automatically assumed that you’re male. Strange. I’ll continue.

We all let ourselves become slovenly oafs occasionally. It’s too easy. Don’t worry, nobody will pay attention to the fact that you’ve gained weight because they don’t like to look directly at fat people. That’s from personal experience, I’m allowed to say that.

From what I understand about the exercise thing, people lose weight in places they want to last. If you’re on a weight loss mission, just wait and see. I’m not going to insult you by offering workout tips because I’m currently eating cheesecake and smoking.

Use the video below to aid you in ways I failed.

About Sam Johnson

Sam - interested in all things brash, tasteless and gold. Doesn't beat around the bush. Doesn't take prisoners. Here to save the world, one gay at a time.