Oh The Agony! Burlesque, Stress and Exes

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Vada Agony Aunt Bronni Hughes takes on this week’s queer AGONY: Burlesque, Stress & Exes!

 

I’m getting a bit down. All I seem to do is work work work. I want to werk it and enjoy myself, but I’m always stuck in the office. Feel like life’s passing me by and I’m not meeting new people. How do I get out of this rut?

Realistically, the only person who can do anything about this situation is you- if you’re feeling desolate you have to make time to go out and try new things. I know that work’s keeping you busy, but you probably have more time than you realise- it’s not like you’re in the office 8-11 seven days a week- (if you are maybe you should get a new job). I know it can be tempting to slob out after work, but instead of watching TV or vegging in front of Facebook this evening push yourself out of the door and go and do something new. Or book a weekend break away so you feel like you’re working towards a relaxing goal, it doesn’t have to be expensive, sleep on the megabus and visit a new part of the country on the cheap.

I recommend Bournemouth if you’ve never been, it has a nice beach, decent shopping and a thriving gay scene- plus it’s where I come from!

 

I’ve been getting into Burlesque lately. I love it. Makes me feel so sexy! Problem is that work have seen the pictures. They think I’m a bit of a slut because of it and a few guys have made jokes. I’m not going to give it up, but don’t want to lose standing at work… What do I do?

Now they’ve seen the pictures there’s not much you can do, you can limit your online exposure by being vigilant about untagging pictures or using a sneaky pseudonym when you’re dancing- but once something’s out there, it’s out there you know?

The best plan of action is just to embrace it, anyone calling you a slut probably isn’t worth knowing anyway- they’re probably jealous they don’t have the confidence to do it themselves. And if people are making jokes try and join in, if you act as though they bother you then it might make them want to be meaner.

Treat it as you would any other hobby, it’s not going to make any difference to the quality of your work, just keep it on the down-low and hopefully the idiots will forget it soon enough. H8rz gon h8. Stay sexy. Maybe don’t wear your pasties to the Christmas party.

 

Every f*cking time I go out on the scene I see my ex. We were together for years but it ended really messily and now he’s with a new guy. I know I should be over it, I kind of am, just every time I see them together it takes me back to the cheating and bad times. I know life goes on. Just don’t want him as part of it!

I read on the internet somewhere that the best revenge is living well, you sound like you’re better off without him so just try and get on with your own life.

One of the unfortunate facts of life is that according to the 2011 UK census gay/bi people make up only about 1.5% of the population, half of those are women, leaving an eligible 0.75% for either sex, and probably 0.3% of that 0.75% are settled down or never go out on the scene. So basically there is 0.45% of any town’s population running around a handful of clubs mixing with the same people over and over again. Even in London, that’s only 36,000 people out of 8,000,000. Studies show that in his life the average man has 9 partners (and I’d guess that this number might skew a little higher amongst younger people and in the gay community) which means in the London gay scene on average AT LEAST one in every four thousand men you come across is someone you’ve done the dirty with. So you see how bumping into an ex can be EXTREMELY frequent occurrence, and short of moving away or becoming a shut-in there is nothing you can do about it.

Sorry for blinding you with guestimated maths there but I hear boys moan about how they’ve got with their ex’s ex by accident pretty damn often, and it really is no coincidence – but on the bright side, at least we don’t live in Iceland where the tiny population means that you have to use an app to vet any potential partners to check you’re not related.

You’re going to have to accept that for the foreseeable future your ex is going to be a part of your life whether you like it or not, just how significant that part will be is up to you.