A Gaymer’s World

gaymer
Latest posts by Dean D'Andrea (see all)

For some people, video games are just a waste of time and possibly a waste of money. However, for me and many others out there, it is who we are and what makes up a significant part of our lives. I started playing video games from a very young age; I grew up owning nearly every single console Nintendo ever released from the NES all the way up to the Wii U.

Video games shape the world in a way that helps us when growing up to enjoy something that helps to shape our imagination. For me, they helped me to express myself and to be someone who I was not, seeing how I was such a shy and possible awkward child, then a shy and awkward teenager.

I guess for a lot of gay guys their passion is fashion, or men, but I enjoy being in my own little world of video games. The world that I can create from playing these games, I believe, makes me so weird and imaginative. I remember sitting in Sunday School at the local Church singing hymns and picturing Link from the Zelda game series, and knowing exactly what I wanted to do when I got home from the hours of listening about how a man sacrificed himself for us and just thinking ‘That is exactly what Link was doing, maybe he is our saviour!’

Video games open up a world of imagination that allows people to experience something that we, on a subconscious level, want to experience and live for ourselves but cannot physically attain. The games I have personally played growing up have influenced me in a way that movies never could. They gave me the desire to find someone who I would love enough to be willing to do whatever was needed to protect or save that person (although some things I would not really want to do). They also showed me that life can be difficult, and that an act of kindness does not have to be because of a reward, but because it is the right thing to do.

I would picture myself as a video game character living their life and acting out the way they were. As a young child I mainly pictured myself as Lara Croft and use to think that because she was so sexually attractive and beautiful that maybe a man would love me and want to be with me. I admit, as an 8-year-old it was obvious I was gay and aware of the world if this is what was going through my mind.

Although, The Sims was never a game to influence me, it was however how I would act out my weird gay dreams of being in a relationship with someone I considered being hot. To create my own little world where everyone turned out to be gay and enjoyed having sex a lot (possibly slightly perverted but I doubt many people play The Sims properly, if there is a proper way to play it).

To me, video games let me forget the fact that I was in my awkward teens and had never had a relationship and that I did not want to, or really had to, accept I was gay. And as time goes by the graphics of the games I was playing were slowly getting better and video game characters were becoming hotter and more attractive to me. I still have an undying love for Link (The Legend of Zelda) and the new look of Dante (DMC: Devil May Cry). I guess that to me these were an early relationship that were never reciprocated, probably the best relationships I have had, seeing how both of my real ones ended in the same way and consisted of similar problems.

For many people, I guess video games are just a way to find yourself. To find the person you really are without stepping out of the comfort zone you created growing up playing Mario and Sonic. They made me realise I was gay, to accept who I was, and to think of everything and everyday as a little adventure that was part of my story. It was also something that got me through difficult parts of my life, that have made me into who I am today.

As the times are changing, and for some weird reason being geeky, or nerdy, or a gamer/gaymer is considered to be hot or fashionable, I guess those who are like me, those who play video games and love all things geeky, have a head start in this weird trend. Well, that is what I like to think, seeing how to all these annoying people the idea of being a geek or a nerd means wearing crappy glasses, or wearing a shirt that says Geek or Nerd. They do not understand our ways, our lifestyle. They are geek-aphobes who feel they can accept us because it is the latest fashion trend.

The world of a gaymer is a unique experience. Not only do we have to be accepted for being gay, but we also need to be accepted for being a geeky/nerdy gamer also. Honestly, I could not care less if someone did not want to accept either aspect of my life as I will never change.

As a result of both of these aspects, the actions I take and the way I behave are the main reason why most people like me. I let neither hold me back nor limit who I am. Whilst some people (and I am not judging) let the fact that they are gay define who they are or how they act, I choose to let it define who I do not want to be. I want to be me in a gaming world.

I loved video games before I acknowledged I was gay. I am not a gaymer because it was the easiest thing for me to be grouped as, I am a gaymer because I love video games and I happen to be gay at the same time.