Paradise Island 2 – Game Review

I need to stop playing games like this. They take over my whole life and I forget to eat and wash and pee. As bad as it for me, my smelly and malnourished body is a testament to this game. I’m obsessed with it. My tablet has been by my side playing the same tune over and over for about two hours and I’ve no intention of turning it off and getting on with my night… I just wish boats would drop off tourists faster, goddamnit!

If you have an excellent taste in movies and you love Bridesmaids, you’ll appreciate the phrase, “Fuck off, Helen!” And please trust me when I say you’ll hear yourself saying it repeatedly and giggling to yourself at your own brilliant movie reference when you first play the game. In Paradise Island 2 Helen is the token busty lady, which is, I’m sure, to attract boys to the game because building a holiday resort on an island with fifteen ice cream trucks next to each other isn’t really their cup of tea. She guides you through the beginning of the game and is the primary task giver. She’s your Sherpa on the journey to having the best darn holiday resort on the islands! I’m surprised she hasn’t warned about me the local fauna yet though because there are literally tigers roaming around the island near your hotels. Tigers! And they growl at you if you tap on them! No thank you! That does not seem safe at all. These tourists are braver than me! Helen’s just interested in the money, the gold digging whore! … No, we mustn’t say such things! We don’t know her journey or what she’s been through. We have no idea how difficult it must have been using Daddy’s plastic to buy a whole group of tropical islands and hiring someone else to manage them…

Anyway, the game! This is what I should be talking about! Not Helen. This review is only 600 words like and I’ve spent 250 talking about Helen. Fuck off, Helen!

It’s fun! It’s engrossing and immersive! And after only a day I’m already attached to my little underdeveloped, wild island and care about my five super ripped washboard-abbed guests that strut around and ask me to spend my energy so they can get my staff to pee on their jellyfish-stung legs. It looks really pretty too! You know when the sun’s shining and the world just looks better and brighter? That’s what the game looks like. It’s colourful and sunny and carefree! Maybe I like it so much because the weather has been crap here lately? I wish I was on an island with tigers and identical hotels side by side… I think I need a holiday. The music is always something I take notice of when reviewing games, because that’s what drowns out the silence or dull chatter and envelops you fully into a different world. The music in Paradise Island 2 is fun and funky and fresh, and super like a mariachi band actually. It sounds like there are a lot of trumpets going on which I’m totally on board with.

The only faults I found with the game are the money production and the space you’re given to build your resort with. Your ice cream trucks produce miniscule amounts of coins and every minute, so you might find yourself sitting waiting 40 seconds for the next lot and it’s pittance when you need 20 thousand coins and it’s giving you 19 at a time. The spacing also works on a cube grid which is diagonally set so wastes a lot of space at the sides when you place buildings and limits your profit production. Look at me, picking out the economical flaws of Paradise Island.

I’m scoring this game 7.8 out of 10. It’s fun to waste time on. It’s only currently available for Android devices, so if you have one, download it for free and tweet me @scottbalf and let me know what you think.