Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time – A Gaymer’s Review

ocarina of time
Latest posts by Dean D'Andrea (see all)

Best game ever.

As simply as it can be put, that is exactly what Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is. For all game lovers, and those out there who want to get into video games, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is a must play.

The main concept of the game is simple: you learn of the past of Hyrule, the land you live in, you meet the princess, learn some songs, get two more jewels, time travel to the future, learn more songs, get medallions off different sages, gain weapons, save the Princess, and live happily ever after.

In its simplest form the game may sound a little boring but it really is not. The game starts and you are a young boy who lives in a village in a forest that is watched over by a huge tree, the Great Deku Tree. Whilst everyone in this village has a fairy, an actual fairy not an annoying gay sidekick, you (traditionally known as Link but you are allowed to name yourself whatever) do not. The Great Deku tree decides to give you one at the start of the game and you later realise you were better off without her. Your new fairy rudely awakens you and introduces herself as Navi. After doing a bit of running around to get your sword and shield you must go into the tree and kill off what is inside, in doing so the tree tells you of your future and gives you a pretty green spiritual stone. After that boring little talk you were given, the tree dies and off you must go to save the land of Hyrule.

As you leave the village you grew up in, and that is full of children, you run into the hot girl of your village, Saria. She gives you the, ‘Oh! You’re leaving’ look and speech before giving you an ocarina. As you exit the forest place, a rather annoying, and somewhat creepy, owl starts to chat you up. After rapidly pressing the A button and not paying attention to whatever he is moaning about you start to wonder why Link runs in such a pathetic way as you travel across the huge field of Hyrule. Eventually, after waking up a milk girl’s father and sneaking past some guards, you will meet the Princess of Hyrule, Princess Zelda. She will tell you of Ganondorf, an evil man who she dreamt was going to try to overthrow her father, the King of Hyrule, and rule the land of Hyrule (I think she may be a little crazy but she looks fabulous in that pink dress so I’ll listen to her). She asks you to collect two more spiritual stones, I tried to give the wrong answers to her questions but I eventually was forced to do what she wanted (bitch).

After, you collect the Fire Spiritual Stone from a group of all male rock people named Gorons (all male yet seem to reproduce fine, homosexuality for the win) and the Water Spiritual Stone from the fish Princess Zuto of the fish people, the Zoras. Avoiding the marriage proposal of the Princess, you return to Hyrule Castle to find out Ganondorf has indeed tried to overthrow the kingdom and you watch the Princess flee. After basically being bitch slapped by Ganondorf (pretty sure that is child abuse) you pick up the Ocarina of Time, a magical Ocarina the Princess threw at you but which missed and landed in the moat of the city surrounding the Castle.

You take the spiritual stones to the local temple inside the city and play a magical song, which allows you to pick up the Master Sword and travel 7 years into the future. This is the point of the game where everything has gone crazy. The Castle is now floating above lava, the city is destroyed, people have been enslaved, monsters are everywhere, and Link is now hot. (At least there is one silver lining to this rather grim cloud). Now that you have grown up, and in my books now legal, you are given the task of saving the six sages of Hyrule who will help you stop the evil Ganondorf, save the Princess, and return the land of Hyrule back to its beautiful self. After saving the first, Saria your old friend from the forest village, you are told by a tree sapling that you are adopted, your real mother is dead, and a tree raised you.

This game truly is the best game out there, and is the best Zelda game of the series. It can be enjoyed by people of all ages, genders, and of course sexualities. Enjoyed more by the gay gamer types who are secretly turned on by Link and the idea of a hot guy in a Peter Pan style outfit running around fighting bad guys with a sword and a shield, as well as many other weapons. (Not suggesting that is a weird fetish of mine but seriously, if you see him, you cannot deny he is rather hot)

The idea of having to save the world and save a Princess may seem boring and feel like a concept played too many times but with this game, Nintendo have managed to give it a feel of it being played for the first time. I myself have played this Zelda game many times, on the N64, the Wii, and now the Nintendo 3DS. This game is so good and unique that many game designers like to include features and references to the Zelda series, and even to this specific game. Not only is the game itself one of the best around but the musical score of the game is beautiful in itself to be enjoyed.

There are points in the game where you are left thinking ‘What the hell just happened?’ or question the game itself, or even wonder why this character has not shut up yet and if attacking them will kill them. However, once the game is finished you can still enjoy the fun times from fishing, collecting all the extra stuff and even archery from the back of your horse. The fun world of Zelda is worth experiencing and should be taken on at least once.