Agony! Fit Friends, Homophobia at Work & Besty’s Ex. Dilemma!

Asifa Lahore

Vada’s Agony Aunt Asifa Lahore takes on this week’s reader AGONY. Fit friends, homophobia at work and besty’s ex.dilemma!


My two best friends are really fit. Whenever we go out on the scene they get loads of attention and I just languish in the background and always end up going home alone. I’m not bad looking, just average I guess. I try and speak to new guys, but they all seem to flock around my friends. How do I stand out?

Easy! The best way you can stand out is by being YOU and not changing a single thing. They best way to find a boyfriend (or many boyfriends!) is to be the best boyfriend to yourself. Your friends are getting attention not because they are ‘fit’ but because they are embracing their inner confidence and loving themselves. By doing this, they send out these loving feelings to the outside world and attract love in return. It’sounds very simple and it really is as easy as that. Learn to love yourself and watch others love you in return!

My boss is gay at work. One of my colleagues doesn’t like him and every so often makes comments about betting he does drag and little digs which pick on his sexuality. She’s fine with me, just doesn’t like my boss. I find it offensive though. How would you take her on and keep the friendship in tact?

Just like in any of my friendships, I would be honest and approach her about the issue. LGBTQ People can indeed exercise their rights in the work place and should not put up with inherent homophobia. Talk to her about your concerns and how her remarks make you feel. Be honest, concise and clear. In most cases being upfront will solve the issue however if the homophobia continues then follow procedures to make a formal complaint. As well as putting the bitch in her place, it will also send out a strong message that homophobia will not be tolerated in your particular workplace. Go forward and represent boy!

I got drunk the other week and sucked off my best friend’s ex. It was silly. They’re now trying to make a go of it again and are back together, but my friend doesn’t know we did that. Should I tell him? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him right?

Ooh this is a tough one! I would approach this VERY carefully especially if you value your friendship. Firstly have you spoken to your friend’s boyfriend to clarify things? If not I would suggest speaking to him first and state how you feel. Explain that something like this will always come out with time and that you do not want to hurt your friend. It will then be up to him to make a decision. If he decides to stay silent and you still feel guilty then approach your friend. Explain to him that it was a drunken mistake and happened at a time when they were not together. The rest is up to them. You’ve done your bit, little angel 😉

About Asifa Lahore

Asifa Lahore is a British Asian drag artist. She hosts and DJs at two of London’s most successful LGBT World Music nights, Club Urban Desi and Disco Rani. A fully out and proud British Muslim, Asifa is a pioneering figure within the gay Asian community and one of the new generation of drag queens on the London circuit.