How to deal with lack of confidence

lack of confidence
Peter Minkoff
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Lack of self-esteem is one of the most common problems nowadays. Is it because of the way body image is portrayed in the media, which results in people having high expectations of one’s body; the feeling of not being successful enough in this world in which everyone seems to manage to find their place except perhaps ourselves; or maybe it’s something else?

Regardless of the reason, self-esteem is here and it’s threatening to ruin us. Not only are LGBT people still challenged on their workplace because of their sexuality, they indeed have to fight hard to overcome this ongoing issue – and if you also happen to suffer from lack of confidence, then this article is the one for you. Take a look at how to best deal with this problem, and, hopefully, overcome it:

Keep track of your successes

The thing you owe to yourself is to be thankful for all the successes you’ve achieved in your life so far. Even though it might seem as you’ve done nothing worth mentioning, rest assured that there are people who’ve done less, and this is the reason why you should look at yourself as someone who can successfully finish a certain task.

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It could be finishing high-school or university with the highest grades, managing to excel at a certain sport, or anything else else that gives you great joy at some point in your life. Keeping a journal in which you note down all the small successes is crucial – that way you will have a reminder to give you a hint of all the things you have accomplished.

We tend to be very hard on ourselves thinking that the grass is perhaps greener on the other side, while it sometimes isn’t the case. Our grass is also green, but perhaps in a different way, or in a different place.

Feel free to change your body if you want to

Never be afraid to change the things that are the actual reasons of your insecurities. For example, if you really want to change the shape of your body – feel free to do so, as there is nothing to be ashamed of. Nobody is perfect, and everyone has something that they want changed. But learn too not to worry about the things you can’t change.

Let’s say you’re quite insecure about your belly fat. In that case, maybe you can do crunches or try changing with diet? But perhaps you’re hypothyroid – which means changing your diet or exercising won’t help unless you treat the underlying problem. Belly fat is also linked to diabetes and metabolic syndrome.

In the same manner, you should be free to change anything you want – and be proud of it. If it’s something “inner” that you want to change, make sure to find your motivation and inner strength and go for it.

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Feel free to consult a professional, for example consulting with a personal trainer or psychotherapist can help you see what the things you can and should change are. There’s nothing wrong with enhancing our appearance and personality. I worked with Travis and Fern at MPT Transformations, who really helped me regain some self-confidence and work on my body in a positive way.

Question other people’s negative comments

Every time you hear a negative comment about yourself, instead of closing down on other people and silently suffering, try to ask yourself if you respect those people and their opinion. If the answer is no, that’s enough a reason for you to lift your head up high, and continue doing the things in the way you’re used to.

Remember that everyone has people who dislike them – even Beyoncé – and you’re not much different either. You will always come across negative comments about your appearance, or about the way you’re doing your job, and that’s fine. Everyone has the right to their own opinion, and you have the right not to care about it!

Concentrate on the people you care about

Instead, you can always get in touch with the people you care about and respect, and ask for their opinion. Ask them what they honestly think of you and let them open your eyes. They might provide you with some insight on your life that you’ve been blind about – you maybe have a lot in common with sexy people and you’re just not realizing it, or perhaps other people think you’re super successful or competent, while you completely misread the signals.

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By doing this, you can create a plan about the things you should work on – it could be your quiet voice, your poor posture, or the way you behave around people. Talking with friendly faces always helps, and asking them for an honest opinion is a good way to go.

Enhancing your self-esteem is not an easy task, but it is definitely worth trying. If Britney made it through 2007, there’s seriously no reason for you not to make it through this low self-esteem crisis. Just keep your head up high, block all negative thoughts, and you’re on a good way. After all, you should love yourself more than anyone else. Keep that in mind at all times.

About Peter Minkoff

Peter is a gay lifestyle writer at Queer Voices and The Queerness magazine. Follow Peter on Twitter for more tips.