Fashion Hates: What Not To Wear, Please!

hermes shoes
Latest posts by Nick Gomez (see all)

I can appreciate that each of us will have a unique fashion sense and style. In Brighton, the first thing to get used to is that anyone could be wearing anything. In my first week in Brighton I saw a man in a complete Union Jack sequin suit complete with sequinned top hat and platform shoes. Best of all, most people didn’t even turn to check twice, so regular is the irregular. However, there are some trends, and let’s say stylistic choices, that I cannot begin to understand, nor do I want to. Here is my list of a few pet peeves that aren’t that hard to avoid! Seriously, not that hard.

Douchebag sunglasses

These are usually worn by, you guessed it, douchebags. Guys who think far too much of themselves and walk with a certain swagger that should be reserved for people with decent taste in sunglasses. These shades are usually oversized and one piece and have a white rim round the whole ‘B’ lying down shape. Also worn by would be fashionistas, they just look tacky. Also, who buys sunglasses that don’t even have lenses in them but just lots of bars, apart from people at raves?!

Literary T’s

This is one that only applies to people who wear something they don’t understand. Wearing a shirt with the book cover of ‘The Great Gatsby’ on it when you haven’t read it and don’t know what it’s about is ridiculous, isn’t it? Whatever possessed you to get a Moby Dick jumper when you only know it’s about a whale? Did you think it was sending a subtle message that you read? Or does it just make you seem like a massive… you get the idea.

Tagging onto that, why do TopShop/Man and H&M keep churning out tops with half naked people and various capital cities on them? What’s the point? Is it to remind us all that there are places outside this country or are we just happy to be turned into ads for this or that reality TV “star”?

Diaper Trousers

I have to say my own mother coined this term for me. I keep seeing people actually wearing trousers that cover, most, of their boxers but still manage to have crotches by their knees. Are these people particularly well endowed and so need the breathing room?

Unlikely. Do they look comfortable? No. Do they make you look like a big baby who needs to be changed? Yes, revoltingly so.
Exceptions to the anti baggy bottoms ruling are sultan trousers (actual name?!) that women and the new hippy-esque generation have adopted, which I definitely don’t want to wear, but I’m reserving judgment till I’ve been pissed off by someone wearing them.

Hermes Shoes

Unfortunately, we are not all Greek gods and goddesses, even if we aspire to be. Wearing shoes with wings on them, like BIG wings, won’t get you any closer. If you were at comi-con or wearing something that wouldn’t look out of place in say, Japan, then they’d make sense as a fashion choice. Instead, they look cumbersome. And what’s more, they aren’t even made with sturdy wings! Make them solid and impressive looking! Not like they were cut off a kids’ toy and stuck onto a regular pair of shoes so they could have a bigger price tag.

 

I apologise to anyone who has purchased and wears any of these, you have not spent well.

But seriously, I just don’t get any of these choices and short of screaming in the street “why?!” or “No! No! No…*whimper*” I had to say something. Feel free to let me know if I’m missing the point or if you can explain these questionable choices.