If you’re like me, you spend hours tearing through your wardrobe finding that perfect outfit, changing jeans, shirts, t-shirts, jumpers, jackets, and so on, to make sure that you look perfect from the moment you step out of your house, into the club, and spend hours dancing, until you get home again (or at least until you get out of the view of the public).
However, after hooking up with someone hot who liked the cut of your jib on the dance floor, you’re searching for your favourite undies and skinny jeans thrown with abandon across said hottie’s apartment, hoping that you haven’t missed the last bus, or (like me) you’ve got enough time to get home and shower before you need to get to work. Getting that all perfect look has gone right out the window.
Here’s a few tips to help you get the best look on your walk of shame home:
1. Always be prepared.
The Boy Scouts’ motto! Being prepared is the best way to make sure you’re looking hot/passable the next morning as you leave their place. Before you leave yours, pack a little next-morning kit. If you don’t take a bag with you, find a handy jacket pocket to keep a small travel packet of face wipes and a travel toothbrush. You know, one of those fold-up ones like you get on an aeroplane. This is a must if you need to step out of his place, onto a bus and straight to work the next-morning, or you like to wear a little make-up when you leave the house. Give your face a good once-over in his bathroom to get some of the club-leftovers and god-knows-what off. You’re good to face the day once more.
2. Re-work your night look into a day look.
If you’ve been out all night and are clearly walking home in your ‘clubbing clothes’, take a moment to transform them into a more suitable for day-time outfit. If you’re wearing any garish fake accessories (prayer-beads, multiple-layered necklaces, etc.) pop them in a pocket to avoid being seen in daylight with some cheap plastic wrapped around your neck like an off-Broadway reject. If you’ve paired a super-low-cut tee with your super skinny jeans, it might be passable, but if not, grab your jacket and zip it up high against the ‘wind’ to keep your dignity in tact.
3. Never underestimate the power of a hoodie.
If you’re like me, and the night’s activities have done nothing for your hair, and you just can’t jam your hair spray into your pocket, either keep a small cotton cap in your jacket, or drag your fringe forward as best you can and pop the hood on your jacket up over the back of your head to keep the rest in check. It’s not always the most comfortable way to walk, but you’ll look at least a little more suitable walking down the street on your way home.
4. Be fully dressed before you leave.
Never leave their apartment without being fully dressed. There’s nothing worse than rushing on your way out, and being met in the lift or at the bottom of the stairs by a poor hapless bystander as you’re holding onto your belt in one hand, and your shoes in the other. Nothing says “I just had sex, and I haven’t washed” more. Trust me. Also, try to avoid a group of burley council or construction workers at this point – they will notice. They will shout things at you. Other people will look. It’ll all go pretty much downhill from there. Be dressed completely before rushing out their door.
5. Walk like you own the place.
Last but not least, don’t walk home like you’ve spent all night at a club, gone home for a couple of hours of amazing sex with someone, only to not get any sleep because it turned out he only had a single bed and fell asleep straight away afterwards and the front door was locked. Or something. Walk like you own the world, like you’ve had the best night’s sleep ever and you are on your way to take over something. Even if you’re dressed like last night’s disco queen, and your hair’s a mess and your teeth are all skanky, no one will give you a moment’s second thought if you walk like you own it.
We can’t guarantee that you’ll pick up this weekend, or that if you do, it’ll be good, but if you do, and you follow these tips, your walk of shame will be far less shameful.