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‘If it’s good enough for Gwyneth and Madonna, it’s good enough for me,’ I thought to myself, as the muscled practitioner inserted his long speculum into my rectum.
Get your mind out of the gutter, guys! I wasn’t partaking in activities of a carnal nature (chance would be a fine thing!) – I was having my first ever colonic!
Like any self-respecting homosexual, I’m very particular about who I let near my back passage, so the idea of undergoing colonic irrigation had never exactly been top of my to-do list.
But I’ll try anything once, and having heard that practitioner to the stars Marcus Cornelius-White had just opened a new clinic in Central London, I thought I’d give it a go.
Colonic hydrotherapy aims to rehabilitate by hydrating the body and removing waste matter. For many, the idea of somebody extracting a shedload of waste from their body is somewhat unsavoury – and before today, I’d have been inclined to agree.
How wrong I was.
The whole experience was far less traumatic than I’d imagined. It fact, I’d go as far as to say I enjoyed it!
Marcus is a wonderfully warm individual – and a fellow Northerner. He made me feel right at home from the minute I stepped into his swanky, Central London office, and the apprehension and anxiety that I’d felt soon disappeared (along with my clothes)!
I’d pictured myself lying on my front wearing nothing but a smile (or a scowl). Fortunately for both myself and Marcus, I was only required to lose the bottom half of my outfit. The crown jewels were kept hidden too, thanks to a large towel, so I felt comfortable, clean and quite content, whilst Marcus was spared the sight of me in my birthday suit.
Before getting on the bed, he’d explained clearly what was going to happen. A small disposable tube (speculum) would be inserted into my rectum to allow warm filtered water to be passed through into the colon. So far, so good.
Then, a series of ‘fills’ and ‘releases’ would occur (with 15 to 20 litres of filtered water gradually passing through the body throughout the 35 minute treatment) – to help hydrate and maintain a healthy system. What’s not to like?
It all sounded simple enough, and with Marcus explaining the procedure step by step, I was well and truly worry free.
I closed my eyes as Marcus massaged my stomach with his big, strong hands (okay, maybe I enjoyed that a TAD too much). This helps to ease the process, though, and it very nearly eased me into a deep sleep, too!
One of my main concerns about having a colonic had been the fear of having a large foreign object inserted in my rectum (insert your own joke here). But far from being painful or intrusive, the insertion of the tube was perfectly painless and barely noticeable.
I’d also envisioned all kinds of mess and smell, but there was absolutely none. All waste matter goes directly through the tube and don’t see or smell a thing. Thank God.
Before I knew it, the procedure was over and I was free to go about my daily business – if you’ll pardon the pun.
Far from being a scary, smelly procedure reserved solely for health-conscious celebs, I’d discovered that a colonic was a painless, odour-less experience that left me feeling happy, healthy and hydrated.
In all honesty, colon hydrotherapy had always sounded like a load of old nonsense to me, but having experienced it firsthand, I am well and truly convinced.
I was so impressed with Marcus that I’ve booked a series of treatments with him, and he assures me that their effectiveness will only improve and increase each time.
We spend so much time and money looking after the outside of our body, so why should we neglect the (far more important) insides?
David visited Marcus Cornelius-White, practitioner to the stars, at his Colon Hydrotherapy Centre in Soho, Central London.
For more information on the centre, visit colonhydrotherapycentre.co.uk or follow Marcus on Twitter @marcus_colonic.