Let’s Talk About It: Sexual Exploration

Latest posts by Matt Hosgood (see all)

I’m a worrier. Not only am I a worrier, I’m also a control freak. This is not always a good combination and often poses problems for me – at least it has done in the past. But, recently, all this began to change.

As I’m sure you know, sex is an integral part of any relationship, no matter gay or straight, traditional or more experimental. It’s fun, intimate and special. Ultimately, it’s something the two of you can share together. The main thing you have to remember when having sex; either in a long-standing relationship, or one that’s just starting out, is that everyone is different. We all like and don’t like different things and exploring these unique differences can be just as fun and sexy as sex itself.

An important element to a fulfilled relationship and sex life is communication. Of course, it’s important to talk to your partner about many things, but sex should be high on the agenda. Without talking about sex, one half (or even both) of the relationship can feel pressured, left out and lead to not enjoying the wide variety of experiences that being in a relationship has to offer. If you never ask, how do you know that your partner is always happy to bottom? Are you sure they don’t mind being covered from head to toe in your love juice? If these are things we don’t talk about, how are we ever to know?

In the heat of the moment, it can become all too easy to become dominating and/or controlling in the bedroom, but if you talk about it and share the moment together, it can be an even more enjoyable experience for everyone. Talking about sex doesn’t have to be mundane or awkward either. If you choose your words carefully (remember tone, body language and facial expression account for over 50% of communication) you could be for a whole new world of sexual endeavours!

I was talking to a friend recently, and she made a very interesting point. Becoming bored with sex. It was something that I had never really thought about in great depth. Up until now, my own personal sex life had become so sporadic and inconsistent, the concept of sex ever becoming boring had never really occurred to me. But talking about it with a friend, she admitted that she frequently became bored with what she called “routine” sex very quickly and her partners had to do different things – usually each time – to keep her interested and excited.

The more I thought about keeping sex ‘exciting’, the more it seemed to make sense. Fortunately, today, there are so many ways in which we as human beings can keep our sex lives exciting (as shown here), there is very little excuse – or opportunity – for what can be the most fun we can have as human beings to dry up. Introducing toys, food, different and a wider variety of positions, role play or costume, or even a change in lube or condom can spice things up until you decide to change it round again.

While I encourage you to take time to talk about and explore sex, remember to stay safe. No one is immune and no one is safe – no matter how much you try and kid yourself. But most of all, be considerate. If your partner isn’t up for something, don’t push it. You’re probably only setting yourself up for disappointment in the future and if you don’t want to do or try something, don’t be afraid to say. Communication and understanding is vitally important to the success of any relationship and this is something I myself have only learned recently. But it’s made a world of difference.

So! Explore. Enjoy. Have fun. Be safe. But above all – communicate.