‘Roosh V’ cancels pro-rape rallies

Daniel Wren

Call it poetic justice, if you’re feeling generous, but major douche ‘Roosh V’ (AKA Daryush Valizadeh) has cancelled his pro-rape, anti-everything-else worldwide rallies that were due to be held today.

In a move that would have seen dudebro douches unite to wallow in each other’s douchiness, Roosh had planned a series of meet-ups around the world. The events would have been mass gatherings for those who endorse misogyny, homophobia and aquatic enemas as personality substitutes. Apparently.

Roosh the Douche calls himself a ‘pick-up artist’ (not to be confused with what we Brits call a ‘piss artist’). His blog calls for a particularly odious brand of patriarchy he calls ‘neomasculinity’, and on it he argues that rape should be ‘made legal on private property’. I call ‘neomasculinity’ a ‘bidet credo’.

Roosh cancelled his ‘Return of the Kings International Tribal Meeting’ events because he apparently fears feminists and, well, generally right-minded people won’t be very welcoming of his douche-y get-togethers.

The events are supposedly to create a ‘local tribe of men’ in cities around the world to protect each other in case of a state of emergency – if, you know, women or the queers rise up to threaten male power. Each tribe would be run by a ‘chief’ and presumably help his brothers-in-qualms to bang the rocks together.

The meet-ups are a ‘way to meet men who are similar to you’, but apparently have nothing to do with Grindr, and are very, very manly. *snerk*

Roosh is a man of contradictions. He wants male-only spaces, but I’m not sure he’d enjoy The Eagle or The Hoist. I don’t think he’d approve of women-only spaces, either.

He wants men to form tribes and ‘return’ like ‘kings’. He wants them to rule like cavemen, and be brave, but he’s scared of ‘Afro-Islamists’ and the aforementioned feminists.


He said, ‘While I can’t stop men who want to continue meeting in private groups, there will be no official Return Of Kings meetups.’

Perhaps it’s all been a very clever, and extensive trolling campaign, getting men to understand the reality of women everywhere:

Then again, it may just be douchiness on a grand scale.

These pro-rape rallies were planned for 43 countries around the world. That’s 43 countries that can breathe a sigh of relief that we won’t be seeing gatherings of men who believe rubbish like this:

Roosh the Douche explained his decision to cancel the events with a picture of The Battle of Austerlitz – perhaps thinking he was Napoleon. Except, you know, Napoleon won the Battle of Austerlitz.

His response?

A tactical retreat was the only sane option; however our enemies revealed quite a bit about themselves in this process, and we learned a little something about ourselves as well. With that in mind, it is worth considering what lessons can be taken from all of this.

Yup. He definitely still thinks he’s Napoleon. Although, maybe he thinks he’s Jesus Christ?

He also doesn’t realise the various contradictions in his own creed, because he thinks it’s others who are full of ‘logical contradictions’.

They become completely unreasonable in such a state, babbling logical contradictions within the same sentence, admitting something is false and then immediately affirming its truth, demanding that law enforcement throw any and all civil liberties by the wayside, and working themselves into emotional hysterics.

He also inflates his own importance:

Given that on February 2nd six nearly identical articles were published throughout the Australian press within hours of one another, all describing Return of Kings as a “Rape Group,” it is a near certainty that the Australian press is similarly controlled by collusion between the reporters on secret message boards. (It turns out that one company, Fairfax Media, controls nearly the entire press in the country.)

Yup. We’re all on MSN Messenger and IRC hating on you. Because we’re not busy enough as it is.

‘This is what it looks like when narcissists flock,’ he writes, not realising that this is (again) very, very ironic. He goes on to describe his critics in a way that seems a very accurate depiction of himself:

They will frequently contradict themselves, even denying outright facts that are presented to them, while simultaneously manipulating people with incredible precision. [ . . . ] The behaviour we’ve witnessed over the past week is perfectly explained by flocks of narcissists, organized online, exercising vicious cunning with a human’s capacity for abstract thought.

Like his pseudo-intellectual musings on neomasculinity, in fact. Or using historic quotes to justify his misogyny.

Thankfully, we can all rest in the knowledge that we don’t have to put up with tribes of douches trying to ‘pick-up’ women this weekend. Unfortunately, I fully expect a ‘Return of Kings’ sometime in the future.

The good news is that when they do meet to exercise their freedom of speech, we can exercise their own. Maybe we can have a parade of douches in protest? Just make sure they’re clean before you turn up.

About Daniel Wren

Vada Magazine staff writer. Interested in travel, news, politics and dating.