Last week HBO broke the internet, and they didn’t even have to show any nudity to do it (well, almost). After much speculation that we’d never get a trailer for the sixth season of their behemoth Game of Thrones, the world rejoiced as we finally got a glimpse of what’s to come.
Spoiler: violence and sex. But you could have guessed that anyway, right?
Below we bring you our customary speculation on what’s to come.
Jon Snow is most definitely dead (well, maybe…)
The eerie trailer opens with the answer to the question that EVERYBODY has been asking – Jon Snow is dead. His body lies bloody in the snows of Castle Black and the hearts of many break.
But is he really dead? We still don’t believe the numerous cast members stating that he’s dead (and quite frankly, we’re not entirely sure we’re bothered anymore).
Cersei is gonna have a hell of a season, I think (more on that later), but one of the most striking shots of her shows tears forming in her eyes. This will presumably be following news of the death of her daughter. Or maybe she’s just crying at how bad that storyline was last year?
Enter the Greyjoys
Much has been made of the casting for the Greyjoy clan, and the trailer gives us our first glimpse of Euron Greyjoy. Here’s hoping that this storyline doesn’t suck as much as the Sand Snake storyline from season five! I have big hopes for Euron.
Unless my eyes are deceiving me, Melesandre is most definitely on the verge of tears here. That’s not something you see everyday! I am very intrigued to see how her story pans out now that Stannis met his maker, but it wouldn’t be Game of Thrones without…
A broken Dany
This shot of Dany is uncannily reminiscent of her season two look, and I am desperately hoping that her being separated from Meereen doesn’t result in her storyline backtracking. The journey Dany has come on has been substantial; it would be such a letdown to see her going back again.
As with the previous shot, the return of the Dothraki once more harkens back to what happened in earlier seasons, and I am very excited to see what the Dothraki do this time round. I’m sincerely hoping that Dany takes control and finally heads for Westeros.
Davos looks pissed!
Another shot of Jon being dead. Wow, HBO are really trying to sell this storyline, aren’t they?
Am I the only one losing interest? Probably not. But I’m more interested in seeing how Melisandre resurrects him because that’s clearly gonna happen.
Does Jorah have a metal detector?
How the fuck would Jorah manage to find Dany’s ring so easily?! It’s LITERALLY in the middle of nowhere.
Margaery is on her knees
I’ll be so disappointed if Margaery isn’t shaved and forced to walk through King’s Landing naked – and no, it’s not because I wanna see her tits. I want to see her as broken as Cersei was, because I’m still foaming over that outcome.
Speaking of Cersei, it looks as though things between her and Jaime are rekindling once more. Is it strange that the couple we root for the most is the one that shouldn’t be happening at all?! Myrcella’s death is clearly going to push them back together.
It definitely looks like it. And it doesn’t look like a Bran flashback either. Game of Thrones included their first flashback last year with Cersei, and it looks as though things are following suit this year too. Because…
That is most definitely the Targaryen sigil!
Unless Game of Thrones is doing that book storyline, this HAS to be a flashback. And the man attacking the Targaryen looks mightily like Sean Bean’s much missed Ned Stark! It looks as though we’re finally going to see the Tower of Joy and maybe, just maybe, discover whether R + L = J
Tyrion is releasing the dragons!
We’re clueless as to why Tyrion would risk releasing the dragons after Daznak’s pit! The only logical reason is that he’s hoping they’ll be able to find their mother and brother. Because otherwise Tyrion is gonna burn to a cinder!
Sex sex sex
This time it’s Theon’s sister who’s getting in on it, in what looks to be one of the most steamy sex scenes of the show so far… and that’s saying something! You go Yara, show ’em how it’s done!
The blind woman
Much has been made about Arya losing her eyesight, but if it’s anything like the books it’ll literally be for one episode. I wouldn’t worry too much about Arya.
Jon Snow is most definitely alive (well, maybe…)
That does look like Jon Snow, right? And even though I don’t care, why am I so excited to see this shot? Because HBO like to tease us, that’s why!
Bran and the Night’s King
Just what is going on here?! Bran is walking. The Night’s King is a-coming. And everybody is suddenly loving Bran. But fear not, you’ll go back to hating him before long. This is most likely definitely a dream sequence. Bran can’t walk, but he’ll fly.
‘I choose violence’
Oh, Cersei, I wish you’d never said that. Miraculously Cersei has become my favourite Game of Thrones character, based purely upon the incredible transition of the Walk of Penance scene from the book to the show. And now I have a horrible feeling that Cersei is going to die. Painfully.
You can check out the season six trailer in all its glory below.